Better Sex Through Mindfulness

We live in a fast paced world that doesn’t wait, slow down or stop for anyone. Nowadays, it has become normal never to have a moment’s peace, a break, or to experience an idle moment. Most days, most of us are overwhelmed with commitments, responsibilities, and to-do lists, and we are often required to perform more than one task at a time. We have become used to thinking that doing more than one task at a time will leave us more free time later, but the reality is that multitasking is not good for us. We switch quickly from one job to another, and this leads us to experience high levels of stress which, if allowed to go on for too long, can seriously compromise our health. 

Amid all this chaos, sex undeniably takes a back seat, and, in most cases, this results in a gradual loss of sexual desire. Having so many things to do, our time is spent dwelling on the past, deluding ourselves that reminiscing could somehow change the course of past events. When we are not lost in the past, our thoughts wander off to planning for the future, trying desperately to predict any possible problems that could arise in an attempt to avoid disappointment of any kind. We struggle to live in the present and focus on the events happening here and now. This lack of focus also applies to sex, and means we get distracted very easily, which gets in the way of us paying attention to signals that could potentially activate our sexual response.

Although most of our daily lives are affected by countless hurdles (big and small), some people, especially women, are more sensitive than others to the stress caused by this juggling act, and are more likely to suffer from depression and pain during sexual intercourse. What makes women different from men are their beliefs about sex: but what exactly does this mean? The authors aim to help us understand that, for example, those who think that the only reason to have sex is to make a baby, and who think of sex as something that does not amuse or excite, are very likely to struggle to enjoy it. In the same way, those who think of sex as a way to communicate with their partner intimately, and to show their love, as well as strengthen their bond, will rarely find reasons or excuses not to enjoy or deprive themselves of it.

These beliefs are largely based on the way we were educated about sex, where that education took place, and how much we actually know about it. In an ideal world, sex education should be taught at school by experts, and then supported at home by parents. Unfortunately, this only happens in rare cases. Receiving proper sex education would probably make people want to wait until they are a bit older before becoming sexually active and to go into it with their eyes open. They would be much more aware of the risks, both when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. They would also have a better understanding of the menstrual cycle, and the problems it can cause. Unfortunately, many people’s approach to sex tends to glorify abstinence, aims to scare kids, and generally tends to oversimplify the whole act without considering the wide variety of preferences and experiences real people have in real life. They never mention the pleasure that can be experienced during sex, and they never provide enough practical information, but practical information is exactly what kids need, and they often start asking questions about sex long before the onset of adolescence.