Come As You Are

Emily Nagoski

Come As You Are

16min

16min

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In Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski draws on scientific research and her years of experience as a sex educator to change the negative way women think and talk about their sexuality, as a result of years of misinformation and harmful cultural messages about sex. Nagoski maintains that a scientific perspective on sexuality helps women break free from unrealistic standards, and allows them to appreciate their own individual experiences. She analyses sexuality from every biological perspective and dismantles misleading cultural preconceptions.

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Analysis and key concepts

01.

Society tends to mistakenly consider the male sexual experience as the standard for everyone; becoming aware of the scientifically biological differences between men and women can help women overcome unrealistic expectations

02.

While women’s anatomy is similar, each woman is in fact unique, as is our individual sexual personality, which is determined by the synergy between the two systems of sexual arousal (SES) and sexual inhibition (SIS)

03.

Sexual desire is very sensitive to context: some circumstances feed our desires while others inhibit them

04.

‘Nonconcordance’ is when subjective arousal and genital response do not align

05.

Sexual desire can be divided into spontaneous desire and responsive desire

06.

An orgasm is not just a genital response, but is very complex and unique to each person

07.

In order to find true pleasure, we must actively cultivate self-confidence and joy

08.

Quotes

09.

Take-home message

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Many useful tips to:

  • Gain a more scientific perspective on sexuality.
  • Break free of unrealistic standards about what is ‘normal’ in sex.
  • Achieve a more fulfilling sex life.
  • Build better relationships.
  • Learn to love ourselves and cultivate joy.

Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and researcher. She is currently the director of wellness education at Smith College, where she teaches a course on female sexuality. She began her work as a sex educator at the University of Delaware, and went on to complete an MA in Counselling, and a PhD in Health Behaviour from Indiana University, for which she did her clinical and research training from the Kinsey Institute.

Publishing house:

Simon & Schuster

Year:

2015

Pages:

416

ISBN:

978-1476762098