Ever since her mother passed away from cancer at the age of 56, Michelle Zauner has often found herself crying in an H Mart, the largest chain of Asian supermarkets in the United States. It is the only place where she feels able to reconnect with the memory of her mother, and where she can still imagine her cooking or shopping for traditional Korean foods. Now that her mother is gone, Michelle often wonders if she should still even consider herself Korean, because she no longer has access to her mother’s great source of knowledge on Korean culture.
Her mother showed her love for her family mainly through food and cooking, and now Michelle often feels sad and angry when she sees families or elderly people happily eating at a typical Asian cultural venue, as her mother is no longer able to do the same.
H Marts are usually found in American suburbs, in neighbourhoods where signs in Chinese or Korean are common, and in Asian shopping centres. Michelle’s local H Mart is in Elkins Park, near Philadelphia, and she goes there every week to stock up. The shop’s food court is full of stalls and kiosks serving typical dishes from all over Asia, including sushi, ramen, and tteokbokki, typical Korean rice dumplings. Every time she goes there, Michelle watches the people eating and wonders how many of them are also missing a loved one.
Michelle Zauner lost both her mother and her aunt to cancer in the space of just five years, and now she is only able to remember them as they used to be, before the disease, standing in the aisles of an H Mart. Michelle was 25 years old when her mother Chongmi died, and she still remembers all of her mother’s favourite dishes.
Her parents met in South Korea while her American father was in the country on business, and Chongmi was a receptionist at the hotel where he was staying. After dating for about three months, they got engaged and travelled around the world for several years before returning to Seoul, where Michelle was born. When Michelle was almost a year old, the family moved to a house in the rural area of Eugene, Oregon. Michelle spent most of her time with her mother, because there were no other children for her to play with in the neighbourhood.