Home Sales and Negotiation Getting to Yes with Yourself

Learn the key ideas of the book by William Ury

Getting to Yes with Yourself

Learning the techniques to negotiate successfully

The main obstacle to a good negotiation and fulfilling relationships very rarely has anything to do with the ‘other person’. We are in fact the main obstacle, with our tendency to react in ways that do not align with our true interests. This obstacle can, however, become an opportunity: if we get to know ourselves better, to really understand what influences our behaviour, we can also understand other people better and have more of an influence on them. In his book, William Ury, a world renowned expert mediator in business, politics and international relations, proposes a six-step conflict management program to help us manage the conflict we have with ourselves, which will increase our ability to negotiate with others. 

Getting to Yes with Yourself
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Learning to say yes to yourself and leave behind the logic of scarcity: how to change your point of view to resolve conflict

Negotiating is a normal part of our everyday lives, but how do we resolve the conflicts that inevitably arise with the people with whom we interact? How can we manage to really get what we want without neglecting the needs of the people in our lives? It seems to be a dilemma common to us all. However, the truth is that the main obstacle to a reasonable agreement and a balanced relationship hardly ever starts with the other person: the biggest obstacle is usually us, with our tendency to react in a way that is not in alignment with our real interests.

Giving in to negativity in moments of conflict is part of a “win-lose” mindset, the idea that only one party gets what they want, but never both. This mindset is based on scarcity, the feeling that there is not enough for everyone, which leads us to protect ourselves, even at someone else’s expense. In most cases, the result of the win-lose approach is that both parties lose. Yet the biggest obstacle to our success can end up being our greatest opportunity: if we learn to know ourselves and understand what influences us, we can better understand others, and therefore influence them. Learning to say yes to ourselves paves the way to saying yes to others.

Being in an effective position to satisfy our own needs, puts us in a better position to satisfy the needs of others.


The key ideas of "Getting to Yes with Yourself"

Learning to say yes to yourself and leave behind the logic of scarcity: how to change your point of view to resolve conflict
From judgement to understanding of ourselves: observing oneself “from the balcony” is the first step towards the perfect negotiation
From blame to taking responsibility: developing your own BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
Rethink how we view negotiation from hostile to friendly, from competitive challenge to cooperative exchange
From resistance to acceptance: being in the present moment to welcome every opportunity to say yes to others
From exclusion to inclusion: the importance of respecting others “even if”
From the win-lose approach to win-win: why we should give before we take
Take-home message

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