Getting to Yes with Yourself

Negotiating is a normal part of our everyday lives, but how do we resolve the conflicts that inevitably arise with the people with whom we interact? How can we manage to really get what we want without neglecting the needs of the people in our lives? It seems to be a dilemma common to us all. However, the truth is that the main obstacle to a reasonable agreement and a balanced relationship hardly ever starts with the other person: the biggest obstacle is usually us, with our tendency to react in a way that is not in alignment with our real interests.

Giving in to negativity in moments of conflict is part of a “win-lose” mindset, the idea that only one party gets what they want, but never both. This mindset is based on scarcity, the feeling that there is not enough for everyone, which leads us to protect ourselves, even at someone else’s expense. In most cases, the result of the win-lose approach is that both parties lose. Yet the biggest obstacle to our success can end up being our greatest opportunity: if we learn to know ourselves and understand what influences us, we can better understand others, and therefore influence them. Learning to say yes to ourselves paves the way to saying yes to others.

Being in an effective position to satisfy our own needs, puts us in a better position to satisfy the needs of others.