The concept of love has always attracted many different definitions and explanations. In recent decades, one theory of love holds that it is the culmination of evolution, the best survival mechanism for the human species. This is because love promotes the reproduction of the species but, above all, it drives us to emotionally bond with a person who makes us feel safe.
This approach was first proposed by the English psychiatrist John Bowlby in the mid-1900s. According to Bowlby, love is as important as physical nourishment: an individual cannot fully develop without significant connections with other people. In his day, Bowlby's theory was first criticized and then, with difficulty, accepted only for children: today we all agree that children have an absolute need for physical and emotional closeness.
But how does it work for adults? Bowlby thought his theory also applied to them, but our culture struggles to accept it. Even today, in fact, it is thought that an adult must be independent and self-sufficient: if you show yourself to be emotionally dependent on another person, and therefore vulnerable, you are seen as immature, sometimes even problematic.
Yet, in recent decades, many studies have reached the same conclusion as Bowlby. For example, the author, along with a colleague, developed EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy). According to the theory, a deep emotional connection is essential to the success of any couple's relationship. This means that turning to your loved one for emotional support is a sign of strength, not of weakness or immaturity.
But it's not just about this. Many studies confirm that when we have an emotionally secure bond with our partner, we are not only better at seeking comfort but also at offering it. We become more resilient in the face of pain; we learn to love ourselves better too. Finally, when we know we can turn to our partner for help, we are able to achieve goals and solve problems more effectively and confidently.
Other studies link emotional connection to our mental and physical health. It is proven, for example, that loneliness can be an even greater health risk factor than smoking and high blood pressure! Those who have no bonds or live in a negative relationship are at greater risk of depression and cardiovascular disease. Conversely, it is proven that even just holding your partner's hand is a real cushion against stress and pain.
