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How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk

Elaine Mazlish, Adele Faber

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk

17min

17min

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Every day, millions of parents face the challenges of communicating effectively with their children, while trying to raise them as best they can. So, how can we make sure that both parents and children are happy? Does it really help when we raise our voice? How do we put a stop to a tantrum in a crowded place, while everyone seems to be looking on and judging us? In How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish answer these questions and many more, and provide tips and techniques to help the whole family start interacting in a healthier and more constructive way.

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Analysis and key concepts

01.

Children are not always well-behaved, and parents must find the right way to communicate with them

02.

Recognising and accepting our child’s feelings is the first step in changing their behaviour

03.

Punishments do nothing to improve the parent-child relationship, and have no positive effect on the child’s behaviour

04.

Parents must learn to control their own anger if they want to persuade their child to behave differently

05.

Parent-child cooperation is a valid alternative to punishment

06.

How to encourage children to become self-reliant and independent

07.

How to encourage children to explore the world and to think independently

08.

A few other useful tips for supporting a child’s independence

09.

We should avoid excessively praising or pampering our child

10.

Judgement can very easily turn into a label that is difficult to shed

11.

We have to free children from having to play a role that has been assigned to them

12.

In order to build a constructive relationship with their children, each parent also needs to break from their assigned roles

13.

Quotes

14.

Take-home message

01. Children are not always well-behaved, and parents must find the right way to communicate with them

When we observe a tricky situation from the outside, we often think that if it happened to us, we would know exactly what to do, and would be able to deal with it much better than the people involved. So, it is very easy to judge how parents behave or react in public. The authors, however, know all too well that it is a completely different matter when we have children of our own, and offer tips and constructive alternatives to the common reactions parents have when their children cry or misbehave. 

Every parent knows that raising children is a constant challenge. Children do not always behave how we would like them to, especially when they are hungry, tired, or unwell, and often start throwing tantrums or disobeying us. 

According to the authors, the problem is usually communication. Conversations between parents and children must be based on honesty and understanding, and it takes time and patience to learn to respect the developmental stages of the child, who is unable to understand the consequences of their actions on other people during the early stages of life. 

02. Recognising and accepting our child’s feelings is the first step in changing their behaviour

03. Punishments do nothing to improve the parent-child relationship, and have no positive effect on the child’s behaviour

04. Parents must learn to control their own anger if they want to persuade their child to behave differently

05. Parent-child cooperation is a valid alternative to punishment

06. How to encourage children to become self-reliant and independent

07. How to encourage children to explore the world and to think independently

08. A few other useful tips for supporting a child’s independence

09. We should avoid excessively praising or pampering our child

10. Judgement can very easily turn into a label that is difficult to shed

11. We have to free children from having to play a role that has been assigned to them

12. In order to build a constructive relationship with their children, each parent also needs to break from their assigned roles

13. Quotes

14. Take-home message

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Many useful tips to:

  • Express our feelings and help our children understand where we are coming from. 
  • Explore educational alternatives to punishment. 
  • Resolve family conflicts peacefully.

Elaine Mazlish graduated in Theatre Studies and developed educational programmes for children at major New York schools and institutions. She was a student of child psychologist Haim Ginott and was on the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York. The books she co-authored with Adele Faber on the relationship between parents and children, and between educators and students, have sold millions of copies worldwide and remain cornerstones in the field. Mazlish died in 2017 at the age of 92.

Adele Faber graduated in drama, specialising in education, and taught high school students in New York City for eight years. She was a student of the renowned child psychologist Haim Ginott, and together with Elaine Mazlish, she is considered an authority in the field of parent-child communication. Faber and Mazlish have held lectures in the United States and Canada, and have written several books together, including How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk.

Publishing house:

Scribner

Year:

2012

Pages:

384

ISBN:

978-1451663884