Angela Garbes’ personal story is very similar to that of many other women, and is one of both loss and joy. Garbes had her first miscarriage in 2008, another in 2009, and then another in 2013. In 2014, she gave birth to her baby girl. After her previous experiences, she was understandably scared and anxious about the possibility of having to go through such heartbreak again.
The birth did not go as she had hoped. Garbes was a firm believer in natural childbirth, but she had to change her birthing plan at the last minute due to a problem during labour, and her daughter was born by an emergency caesarean section.
The fact is that pregnancy, however natural it may seem, is completely unpredictable. Not all pregnancies are successful, and not all births go smoothly. Although the outcomes of pregnancy and childbirth are often completely out of our control, Garbes suggests there is one aspect that we should try to improve, and that is communication, which we can achieve by sharing our stories.
The difficulty of conceiving and carrying a baby to term is compounded by other issues, such as widespread misinformation and fear, which often depend on the context in which the woman lives. It is often said that a woman must avoid drinking alcohol while pregnant, and that she must not eat certain types of meat, vegetables, or cheese. Many people also believe that drinking more than a certain amount of coffee during pregnancy is dangerous for the baby. There are countless other similar sayings and theories, which tend to vary depending on where the woman lives. What is recommended to women in America, for example, is not the same as the advice given in Asia, nor indeed in Europe. Local cultures and traditions also come into play, making it difficult to know what is true and what is myth.
These different beliefs and approaches also lead to many prejudices surrounding breastfeeding. It is widely believed that breast milk is essential for the development, growth, and general health of the baby. The issue is no longer so black and white, however, and women who do not breastfeed are now able to choose from a wide range of artificial milk, known as formula, which has improved over the years to the point where it has become a totally viable alternative.
When women choose not to breastfeed, it often leads to heated debate, and instead of supporting one another, women typically end up turning against each other. Yet not everything can be reduced to right or wrong, because there are specific cases in which formula is actually a necessary alternative.
Once again, this kind of prejudice is rooted in widespread misinformation, and sometimes people simply do not care enough to learn more about the subject. In any case, the result is that most of us are convinced that there is a right way and a wrong way to be a mother, and this attitude has led to even more confusion. Many women go through their pregnancies feeling inadequate, striving to be perfect, and seeing their friends or other women as being infinitely ‘better’ than them.
The truth is that there are too many expectations surrounding the subject of pregnancy, both our own and those of other people, which have negative consequences when they are not met. Our own expectations are usually centred around the pregnancy itself, especially when things do not go as planned, while other people project their expectations onto us in the form of unwarranted and misguided advice, uncalled for suggestions, and uncomfortably personal questions.
The problem, however, is much broader and complex. According to the author, the one thing we can all agree on, is that pregnancy is often overwhelming, and can dramatically change a person’s entire life.
