Love Worth Making

Stephen Snyder

Love Worth Making



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In his book Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, psychologist and author Stephen Snyder provides clear and simple rules for having great, satisfying sex even in long-term couples, while investigating the issues that can make sex boring, repetitive, and unfulfilling.

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Analysis and key concepts


We will all probably have to face obstacles in life that prevent us from experiencing our sexuality to the fullest, but there are ways to turn an unsatisfying sex life into a wonderfully fulfilling experience


Having good sex makes us a little more distracted and selfish, and distorts our sense of time, but it also helps us get to know our innermost self


Good sex revolves around our ‘sexual self’, the erotic part of us that is always honest but often too quiet


Getting aroused is good for us and creates an erotic environment that allows couples to get ready for sex


Women tend to lose interest in sex over time because they feel they have to make an effort to have sex even when they don’t want to, while men’s desire generally fades because they don’t feel wanted and accepted


The idea that sex always has to be mutual and reciprocal creates issues within many couples, but focussing on ourselves and our own pleasure is often more important and effective


Monogamy is a relatively recent invention that provides love, protection, and acceptance, but maintaining a monogamous relationship over time requires commitment, self-awareness, self-control, and a bit of luck


The two most common obstacles to a fulfilling sex life are seeing sex as a chore and the fear of rejection


When we are in a committed relationship, we eventually start to wonder why we chose the other person as our partner; it is not so much the actual reason that matters, but what we choose to do after we ask ourselves the question




Take-home message

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Many useful tips to:

  • Learn how to listen to our ‘sexual self’.
  • Recognise the main obstacles that long-term couples face in maintaining a satisfying sex life.
  • Explore how both men and women experience sex and why they can lose interest in it over time.
  • Discover that we do not always need to feel desire to have fulfilling sex.

Stephen Snyder, M.D., is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, and one of the most influential sex and couples therapists in the field. He is a frequent guest columnist for major national newspapers, and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today and The Huffington Post. He has also featured on CBS and ABC News, and in Elle, Cosmopolitan, Inside Edition, Men’s Health, and The New York Post, to name just a few.

Publishing house:

St. Martin's Griffin