Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me)

Making mistakes is an inherent part of human nature, and is especially evident in the various cognitive and behavioural biases that define each one of us. According to social psychologist Carol Tavris, the theory of cognitive dissonance explains the misconceptions that have the greatest impact on society and interpersonal relationships, and defines the processes of confirmation bias and self-justification.

Most people find it extremely difficult to admit that they are wrong, or that they have made a mistake which has negatively affected other people. This is not only seen in our everyday life, but also in politics and the legal system. Self-justification is when we look for an excuse that is able to justify our actions or words. It is more powerful than lying, because it does not rely on objectively refutable events, but pushes us to cross a self-imposed moral boundary while continuing to have a positive opinion of ourselves. In order to do this, self-justification uses our own memories to distort our perception of reality.

Human memory is far from perfect; it is a plastic and ever-changing cyclic process that changes depending on the way in which we perceive reality at any given moment. When we make a mistake, and then try to justify our actions, our mind compensates for our failure to take responsibility, and transforms our perspective of the event into what is most convenient for our survival, or rather the survival of our ego. This process has both pros and cons: on the one hand, it helps us sleep better at night, which explains why the process evolved in the first place; on the other hand, however, when the behaviour is particularly harmful, or perpetrated by someone in a position of power, it can often lead to very serious consequences. According to the author, former US president George Bush, for instance, declared war on Iraq as a result of choices that were based on blatant errors of judgement, such as the claims that Saddam Hussein was in possession of weapons of mass destruction. The war was never questioned or stopped, because this would have required Bush to admit his mistakes, and it ended up killing countless people while also fostering extremist sentiments in the Islamic world.

Throughout this book, the author explains how self-justification works, how it changes depending on the kind of relationship between the parties involved, and how to start looking for solutions to the problem.