Let's not hide it: parenting is the hardest job in the world. What's more, it brings with it a whole host of doubts. Almost all mothers and fathers constantly wonder if they are doing well and are plagued by feelings of guilt. In short, one tends to drift in uncertainty and has a constant fear of making mistakes and compromising the relationship with one's children. This is also because our lifestyle doesn't help: we always have far too many commitments, we work excessively, and we have to manage stressful days. Essentially, we feel somewhat tangled up in our life and our role.
Let us, therefore, begin by providing three general guidelines that form the basis of Laura Markham's text.
The first piece of advice concerns the relationship with ourselves. Often, mistakenly, we think that if our children behave well, then we would feel better. In reality, the exact opposite is true : if we behave well in the first instance, then they will feel better and be calmer. We must keep one thing in mind: we cannot wholly control our children's actions, but we can control our own. The focus, therefore, is not on what the child does, but on how we react to what they do. This is the crux of everything. Consequently, it would be wise, first of all, to learn to manage one's own emotions.
Secondly: let's try to build a deep connection with our children. We should seek to be empathetic and to understand them. Failing this, we would be condemned to the phrase “my daughter doesn't listen to me!” and would never move beyond that point.
The third piece of advice concerns the influence we have on them. Let us always remember that our objective is to guide/instruct them, not to control them. Guiding means leading them, providing them with tools for understanding, and setting an example. Controlling, on the other hand, means demanding that they do something immediately. There is a big difference between the two concepts.
It is clear that following these guidelines is not easy. However, if we commit ourselves and are open to change, we can truly achieve great things.
