The author’s philosophy, when it comes to leadership, is that in order to become better leaders, we need to become better human beings. Leadership and growth are two symbiotic traits: we cannot be good leaders unless we are good people, and vice versa. To become better humans, it is important to begin a process of really getting to know oneself: sitting in stillness and listening to our heart - and the hearts of those around us – is an essential step to fully living our lives, and do more than just survive. We need to develop the practical skills which define a successful leader, but they are not enough: we should feel compelled to want to share our experiences, and above all, work to understand ourselves on a deeper level, which can help us let go of any attachment to the self, and identify the patterns which have influenced our lives and shaped who we are. Not only does understanding ourselves help to make us better leaders, but in doing so, we also become better people: more resilient, mindful and ultimately, much happier.
The secret to the understanding of the self lies in learning to stop and be still. When we move through the world quickly, it is easy to slip into the habit of conforming to other people’s expectations; so we end up moving in a direction which is determined by others. This belief is deep rooted in many of us: moving quickly, telling ourselves “that’s life”, meaning do more, do it faster and perhaps you will be able to overcome the lack of confidence you have in your worth and in your own voice. Such behaviour also makes us feel important, and our thought stream sounds like: I am doing loads, I’m doing it quickly, my work is more important than everyone else’s. This constant struggle at work, however, cannot last, and frankly doesn’t work: it simply feeds our fear of not being enough, it stops us from being able to think clearly, makes us believe that the meaning of things is all in how quickly we can get them done. This isn’t really living, nor is spending time nurturing our fears and neglecting what is inside us actually being a good leader. Living this way also creates a tendency to identify who we are with what we do, and therefore we measure our worth as human beings according to the marks we get, the funds we raise, the person we married, the house we bought, and so on. So we believe that we are what we do, and we think that doing it quickly and efficiently is the way to earn other people’s respect.
It is important to learn to stop, to be still and to take the time to get to know ourselves better. Being a leader begins with building the courage not to waver in the face of uncertainty, so that we can carry out a thorough self-examination. This process will help us shine a light on our truth, and do so compassionately. The time has come to stop blaming other people for our lives, to stop lying to one another, and begin to ask ourselves some important questions:
Who am I?
What do I believe in?
What do the concepts of success and failure mean to me?
What kind of person do I want to be?
What role have I played in creating the conditions of my life that I can’t stand?
When we are still, we run the risk of really finding out who we are. When we stop the swirling vortex, we risk having to face the demons that have chased us all our life. When we stop lying and expecting to have all the answers, we risk being overwhelmed by all the heavy truths that weigh us down. But, once we stop, we can define the kind of leader we want to be and the life we want to live. Or, we can at least see who we are right now: this process is ongoing and constantly evolving. Life is growth and change, and as much as this can cause us to suffer, it also creates the foundation upon which the warrior-leader within us can emerge. This is the art of growing up.
