For many people, bringing up this topic with their partner causes tension. The reasons can vary. Fear of hurting their feelings. A sense of inadequacy. Fear of rejection. Shame. Vulnerability. Shyness. But why do we have to do it in the first place?
The society we live in makes us believe that sex is something that just happens. A natural alchemy between two people who look into each other's eyes and automatically know what to do and how to do it to satisfy the other. If this isn't the case, then there must be something wrong with us. And nobody wants to have issues when it comes to sex.
Spoiler: this only happens in films. In everyday life, on the other hand, talking about sex is fundamental to a couple's well-being. No one has a crystal ball or the ability to read their partner’s mind to understand what they like and what they don't. We are all profoundly different in this respect, and this is why it's necessary to know ourselves and learn to know our partner.
At the beginning of a relationship, sex seems like purely a matter of chemistry because of how easily you are attracted to the other person. And it is, in part. In the first few months of a relationship, serotonin and dopamine levels are truly high. But as time passes, these are replaced by oxytocin and vasopressin, two neurotransmitters that help us relax and create lasting bonds. Our brain is incapable of maintaining the same level of desire in the long run. There is nothing strange about this.
Other factors inherent to daily life are then added to this. Stress, for example, is a real "sex-killer". The fear of rejection also creates unease , as does the fear of not being good enough – the so-called performance anxiety. Sexual perfectionism can destroy a person's sex life. The pressure it generates reduces desire to a flicker.
There is a solution, and it is as simple as it is difficult to put into practice. It is necessary to let go. It's impossible to have everything under control when it comes to sex. It might go well, it might go badly. But taking this risk is essential if you want to have a fulfilling sex life.
