Sibling rivalry is an interesting and relevant issue that affects many children and parents. Experts agree that jealousy between siblings is usually the result of a child’s natural desire to keep their parents’ love all to themselves. Generally speaking, parents tend to either encourage or reduce this sense of competition through their behaviour and their words, both of which are very powerful tools that can positively or negatively influence the relationship between siblings.
Sibling relationships are very meaningful, and generate intense positive and negative emotions. These feelings have a significant impact not only on our children’s early years, but also on the rest of their lives. In the worst cases, severe rivalries between siblings can be demoralising and even damaging to children, and the effects can last a lifetime.
According to the authors, parents need to focus less on making sure their children get along, and more on equipping them with the attitudes and skills they need to manage their own relationships. Let’s say, for example, that our children are shouting at each other. Instead of telling them to stop yelling, it is more effective to try and steer them towards a calmer, more rational discussion; instead of focusing on who is right and who is wrong, we should be teaching them how to really listen to each other, how to respect each other, and how to resolve their differences.
The authors’ first practical tip is to ‘observe and note’, in order to gather as much information about the situation as possible. They suggest that we first determine what is upsetting our children, and how their sibling’s behaviour makes them feel, and then write everything down, noting the incidents or observations that cause us the most concern.
