16min
In Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, More Secure Kids, Kim John Payne provides useful tools for dealing with many common childcare issues. The aim is to relieve children of the pressure they so often feel, by giving them back some calm and peace of mind. His simple strategies help parents form closer bonds with their children and create a more welcoming and balanced family life.
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Analysis and key concepts
01.
In order to ensure our children’s peace of mind, we have to create a calm environment without too much stimulation
02.
Many people underestimate the negative effects of television on children, especially young children
03.
Parents tend to feel worried when they watch the news on TV, or read about it on the internet, and they transmit this anxiety to their children
04.
Children often show signs of distress that can be alleviated by implementing a few simple strategies
05.
Buying our children an excessive number of toys can have a negative impact on their quality of life
06.
Predictability and repetition give children a greater sense of security
07.
In order to communicate effectively with our children, we also need to know when to keep quiet
08.
In order to build a healthy relationship with our children, we need to make sure they do not see us as their friend
09.
Quotes
10.
Take-home message
Most children today live an overwhelming existence; they have too many things going on, they watch too much television, and they have too many commitments. This often creates a feeling of unease within them and prevents them from really appreciating the carefree joys of childhood. According to the author, we need to simplify our children’s lives and let them take a break from the chaos, getting rid of anything that causes them stress.
In his book, Payne uses the example of James, whose parents are a teacher and civil servant. James is a very bright boy, but he often suffers from stomach pains and does not sleep well at night. He also has difficulty relating to his peers; he is assertive and confident when talking to adults, but becomes shy and withdrawn when talking to his classmates.
The author observed the family’s lifestyle and noticed that James often watched the news on the television, and also witnessed his parents fighting on more than one occasion. While this made him mature and aware of his surroundings, it also caused him to become anxious and stressed. On the author’s advice, James’ mother and father tried to refrain from arguing in front of their son and got rid of the many TV screens in their home, in order to prevent James from listening to the news so often. The effects were immediate; James began sleeping better and his stomach pains completely disappeared. He was also able to relate to other children his age, and began to play with them more. The key factor here was simplifying and subtracting. His parents realised that James was being exposed to too much stimulation and that all he needed was some peace and quiet.
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The author
Kim John Payne is a writer, educator, and educational researcher. He has been a private family counsellor for twenty-seven years, and specialises in parent-child relationships, child and adolescent behavioural problems, and managing family life. He regularly gives conferences and seminars for parents, educators, and therapists. He has also consulted for educational associations in South Africa, Hungary, Israel, Russia, Switzerland, Ireland, Canada, Australia, the UK, Thailand, and China. Payne is the director and founder of the Three Stream Process, an organisation that provides emotional support to children having a hard time in school.
Edition
Publishing house:
Ballantine Books
Year:
2010
Pages:
400
ISBN:
978-0345507983