According to the author, asking the right questions will always trigger a conversation. Asking the right questions shows that we are attentive, that we are actively participating in the conversation, or that we want to contribute to the discussion with our own point of view. Especially in group settings, however, questions often turn out to be pointless, rhetorical fillers, which add nothing constructive to the discussion. Sometimes, these standard, predetermined questions actually show that the person has not understood the true meaning of the conversation, or that they simply want to demonstrate some level of engagement, by asking for a concept to be repeated.
Asking real questions, on the other hand, is a totally different matter, and can be a valuable tool in breaking down barriers or generating new ideas. Questions should ideally open up new ways to explore an issue.
The author provides the example of a birthday party where not all the guests know each other. If one person wants to introduce themselves to someone else, they will most likely tell the person their name, and then ask: “how are you?”. While ‘how are you’ is indeed a question, the typical and somewhat cold response of ‘fine’ often causes the conversation to grind to an awkward halt. If instead of “how are you?”, we ask something more specific, such as “are you working on anything exciting at the moment?”, it might open up a longer and more interesting conversation.
According to Berger, questions are a powerful tool that we can all use in everyday life. Since not everyone knows how to use them effectively, however, it is important to reflect on the most appropriate questions to ask in any given situation, and to practise asking them.
We have to train ourselves to ask effective questions, in order to avoid the most obvious and trivial ones, which do nothing to encourage conversation. Our questions should ideally open up new and meaningful discussions, and the only way to become adept at asking the right questions is knowledge and training.
