The Whole-Brain Child

We would all like to be perfect parents, and often look at other people and imagine that they are impeccable mothers and fathers who spend endless hours of problem-free quality time with their children. We try really hard to live up to our expectations of perfection, but the more we try, the more we realise that it is impossible to achieve such unrealistic standards. Most of our time as parents is spent in survival mode, trying to cope with seemingly never-ending problems. 

The nice moments, when we play calmly with our children or spend loving, quality time with them, can often seem to be very few and far between. The authors, however, want to reassure parents who identify with these feelings that there is no such thing as the perfect parent. What’s more, these challenges and hard times also lead to growth for both our children and ourselves. 

Even tough situations, such as arguments or misunderstandings, enable us and our children to grow, and can really help to strengthen our bond with our children. We need to stop thinking that conflict or challenges are a result of our own failures. When siblings fight amongst themselves, for instance, instead of separating them and sending them to their rooms, we might try to calmly help them understand the importance of respecting other people’s opinions. We should also try to teach them to express what they want in a more healthy and constructive way, without shouting or behaving aggressively. This can be very hard to do in tense situations, and the authors say that there is nothing wrong with separating two children who are fighting. What we must avoid, however, is the idea that these moments are always unnecessary and negative, because all interactions with our children, even the most problematic, are beneficial if we make a little effort and change our attitude towards them.