If ever a time comes in a relationship when things begin to seem too good to leave but too bad to stay, the overall feeling is described by the author as “relationship ambivalence”. The problem is that when we feel ambivalent about the person we are with, we tend to distance ourselves from them; we no longer look to spend time together, we talk less and generally stop doing things together.
Either way, the only way out of relationship ambivalence is to carry out a full diagnosis of your relationship, just like a doctor does to identify an illness. Our relationship diagnosis requires us to ask ourselves a series of questions, to take time to think things through, and to look within ourselves to get some really honest answers. Based on what comes up from this deep dive, you can then draw conclusions and ascertain whether you should stay or go.
The first thing to do is to think back to a time when the relationship worked best. Looking back, would you say that things were really very good, or were there actually a whole host of problems beneath the surface? If this is the case, then the prognosis is poor, and you should consider ending things, because it’s no use flogging a dead horse. Sometimes you can fix something broken, but if it was not intact to begin with, you might as well let it go.
One clear indicator as to whether or not you should leave is if there has been any violence in the relationship. If there has been more than one episode, there is no option but to leave. It’s as simple as that. Physical abuse shows unequivocally that the love is dead or that the person you are with is a terrible partner. If it has happened more than once, it will happen again, and staying with a partner with violent tendencies will leave you confused about what is really best for you. The more confused you feel, the less you trust yourself, and the more you feel like you need to wait for some sort of sign to figure out what to do. This is how relationship ambivalence becomes a self-perpetuating trap.
