Everyone’s relationship with their mother begins the moment they come into this world: the connection we have with the woman who gave life to us is one of the key pillars of our existence, for better or for worse. If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you are much more likely to suffer extremely painful experiences that can make you feel truly alone in this world. However, you are not alone, and there is a way to relieve yourself of this burden that you have carried for so long. Very often, in your head you will hear a series of very critical voices that comment on everything you think and do: the author decided to investigate these voices that were devastating her emotionally, so that she could rid herself of them and live a better life.
The first thing she decided to do to get rid of these constant voices, which always left her feeling low and totally inadequate, was to find out where they came from, and she realised that they were linked to the relationship she had with her mother.
The author suffered from some truly debilitating symptoms, which she also recognised in a number of her patients during her years of practice as a psychologist, and gradually she was able to connect them to her mother’s narcissism. There are, in fact, many parents who are so emotionally needy and absorbed by their own desires that they are almost unable to provide their daughters with the unconditional love and support that they need, and this is known as maternal narcissism.
Obviously, both sons and daughters suffer the emotional disorders linked to a narcissistic mother or father, but the mother is a key role model for the female child in terms of her growth into an individual in her own right, developing in turn her own roles, as a person, lover, wife, mother, and friend. Maternal narcissism can therefore do serious harm to daughters, because of the influence they have on these key roles. A narcissistic mother sees her daughter (and not her son) as an extension of herself, and does not recognise her as a separate individual. In doing so, the daughters of narcissistic mothers are always on edge, seeking the “right” way to respond to their mothers in order to win their love and approval.
A daughter who does not receive her mother’s approval learns, from early on, that she has no real value in the world, and that her efforts are worthless. A narcissistic person is completely focussed on themself, and their behaviour sends the message “it’s all about me” and “you are not worth it”, so daughters of these personality types tend to think that they exist merely to compensate for their mother’s sense of inadequacy.
Without the empathy and love of their mother, a daughter misses out on the opportunity to feel a real emotional connection, and will continue to have the distinct feeling that something is missing for many years to come. No daughter wants to believe that her mother might be dishonest or selfish, but when they are hit with the harsh reality of maternal narcissism, realising that it actually does exist, they can begin to deal with the emotional patterns that have developed throughout the course of their lives, and start to untangle those knots.